Thank You Very Much

Yeah, yeah, yeah, give thanks, etc.

I'm thankful I bought that new pair of tennis shoes that benefitted the Susan G. Komann (sp?) fund and found out that all my shoes are about a half to a full size too small - that explains a lot.

I'm thankful I don't have to manually pump out the basement anymore - now if I could just find a kayak to take me from my front door to my driveway.

I'm thankful I'm not cooking Thursday.

I'm thankful I'm not Paris Hilton. Once her youth and looks are gone, she'll just be one more multi-billion dollar heiress with nothing to do but spend, spend, spend.

I'm thankful I'm not Laura Bush. I wouldn't have the grace or patience - or suspension of disbelief - that she has.

I'm thankful that L'Oreal makes my hair color, that Revlon masks my emerging "smile lines" and that my legs are getting less hairy.

Oh, and I'm thankful that Smoking Loon makes a really nice Cabernet with a witty back label written as a detective noir piece.

Did I mention I'm thankful I'm not cooking?

Dear God

Dear God,

I know you're extremely busy right now, there's so much going on in the world (Third Rock from the Sun, if you forgot which one I live on). What with wars, Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Tornadoes, and all the other signs of a possible Armageddon (except, as Irish noted, John Wayne winning Best Actor), I realize there are millions of people who are so in need of your love and attention. But, Lord, if you find that you have a few spare minutes on your hands and need someplace to beam that omniscience, I sure could use a little somethin'.

First, Lord, I pray that I never become so selfish that I can't pray for others. Help the human race, Lord. We need it. Help us to find a way to doing the right thing for all instead of the right thing for some. Help us to help others. Help us to be as loving, compassionate and humorous as You intended us to be (or possibly more so). Help us to love doing good deeds for no reason other than it gives us pleasure. And help us to get as much pleasure from good deeds as we do from cell phones, blogs, the internet, McDonald's, Budweiser and great sex.

Lord, if you could see fit, I sure could use an angel. Just a little, unassuming one. He (as a generalization, not as an assumption) wouldn't even have to come by personally, just drop me a sign every now and then to let me know he's listening. That he's got my back. As you know, Lord, my position is one of loss and chaos. My children need a strong mother and I need You for that. Please bless me so that I can parent effectively. Help me to love deeply, but detached, so that I may be objective and fair. Help me to see that my children don't care how or why I am so lonely; they need me to be kind, compassionate, wise, silly, and firm. Help me to love my children no matter how difficult they may be to love. More so, help me to show my children how much I love them, whether or not I like their actions or behavior.

And, Lord, when I say "Help my child" - I mean it.

That angel, Lord, needs to have broad shoulders and large ears so he can hear all I need to say. But please, Lord, an angel who doesn't talk quite as much as I, because I have so much that I need to talk about. An angel who won't tell a soul...not even You. An angel who will love me because I deserve to be loved, no more - no less. An angel who will guard me because He loves You.

And, perhaps, Lord, we could bypass "The Littlest Angel" and send me someone with a little more experience and knowledge.

I don't usually "witness" in public, Lord. I let people know I'm Your gal, but I don't discuss politics and religion. Mainly, I'm just bad at it. Better left to those more clever than I. But tonight, Lord, the world can know that I believe. I believe in You. I believe in the inherent goodness of Mankind. I believe in Angels.

Amen.

P.S. I also believe in the healing power of chocolate chip cookies...should you see fit...