If I Give My Heart To You

So...it's official. The baby has stopped sleeping and I just told God I [expletive deleted] hate Him. Guess I really am going to hell now...if I wasn't already.

This song we're working on in Sweet Addie's (geez, for thteir membership drive, they're worse than bad used car salesmen)is in my head all the time. A gentle, romantic song that's fun to sing and probably hundreds of years old. The sweet lyrics are as follows:

If I Give My Heart To You
will you handle it with care?
Will you always treat it tenderly
and in every way be there?

If I Give My Heart To You
will you give me all your love?
Will you swear that you'll be true to me
by the light that shines above?

And will you laugh with me when I laugh?
Cry with me when I cry?
And always be as you are with me tonight?

Think it over and be sure,
please don't answer 'til you do.
If you promise all these things to me
then I'll Give My Heart To You.


Sweet, no?

Then I started thinking. Which, as we all know, is not my forte. This couldn't be anything but a woman's song. Meaning no disrespect to my male blogships, a guy singing this song would go more like:

If I Give My Heart To You
Will you know that it's a fake.
Will you see the number stamped on back?
(It's the expiration date)

If I Give My Heart To You
I'll do it if I must.
Just to get the night I'm searching for -
I can't help it, I'm in lust.

And will you laugh at jokes you can't stand?
Cry where I can't see?
And always wear sexy underwear for me?

Think it over (not too long)
Guys need someone else who do
If you promise me that I'll get laid
then I'll give my heart to you.


Sexist? Yes. Cynical? Perhaps. True? Ah...