The Twelve Days of Christmas
So...I finally had some time to myself to sit down and write my little parody (or whatever might come out of my fingers) on the 12 Days of Christmas. First, though, I thought I'd look up the origin of the song in case it sparked any creative fires. No creativity, but I found out a lot I didn't know which I probably should have, being as I served as Musical Director in an Episcopal Church. It has a lot to do with liturgical churches and services. If you didn't grow up in a liturgical church, which I didn't, things like "Epiphany Sunday" and "King's Day" probably don't mean much to you, either. Which, of course, is what the whole darn she-bang is about. The different special "holy days" following Christmas Day. And not 12 in a row, either. Then, being the info weenie I am, I felt compelled to identify all 12 days of Christmas. So far, I have only been able to identify nine, and I think I'm cheating with Adent - which the Orthodox churches don't have anyway! There's three Sundays in Advent leading up to Christmas (a partridge in a pair tree, two turtle doves and three French hens), there's Christmas Sunday (four calling birds) and Jan 1 commemorates Jesus' circumcision - oh no, you read me right! (five golden rings. Huh.)Then you get Epiphany Sunday (six geese a-laying), The Baptism of Our Lord Sunday (seven swans a swimming), The Presentation (eight maids a-milking), and Transfiguration Day (nine ladies dancing). So where are the days for leaping lords (which is probably King's Day), piper's piping (Celtic Heretic Day?) or drummer's drumming (Burn the Celtic Heretic Day?)?
All this to say that I have failed to rise to the challenge set before me. I let my own easily distracted and somewhat unfocused mind prevent me from achieving a little parody on how a true love really would have sent 12 masseurs massaging(preferrably tall, handsome and mute), 11 hookahs smoking, 10 Chippendales lap-dancing, 9 bellydancing lessons, 8 Merry Maids a-cleanin', 7 hours in a jacuzzi, 6 goose-necked reading lamps, one big-honkin' platinum ring encrusted with five diamonds (and some sapphires, since I'm partial to those), four 140 minute calling cards for my trac phone, three French Cornish hens with an orange glaze and wild rice and almonds, two turtle waxes that I don't have to do myself and a copy of The Partridge Family's "I Think I Love You". Now THAT's true love!
Ta-Da!
posted by The Warbler | 12/12/2005 12:06:00 PM
13 Comments:
Warbler, dear.
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
Loved the historical background.
Loved the parody.
Thanks for getting the Yuletide season off to a good start.
Living for the holidays.
M
My wife loved it! She reminded me that I was her "Cabana Boy" and NOT a Chippendale. Us cabana boys down South are a little different, you know. Oh no, and we don't wear those silly neckties, either, or do lap dances for that matter. This all started when Lori busted her leg real bad so I did EVERYTHING for her. After a while she would just point with her nose and sniff. "What is it, honey, double chocolate cookie ice cream?"
Hey, we're that good.
Um...you sure your wife wants you to tell about the cabana boy thing? You know how much trouble you got into over the thunderstorm/harlequin romanc thing.
Darn you Red Baron! (LOL, that's Snoopy talking again.) It must be one of those "second childhood things." But my, it certainly is looking a lot like Christmas these days. Have fun,
Sam
I used to have an LP when I was a kid (my daughter thinks LPs are liquid propane and doesn't get it)that had Snoopy and the Red Baron on it. I loved that song. It also had all of the grade school classics like: Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport, Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor (on the bedpost over night)?, and Henry the Eighth. Ah, the good old days.
Everett has the LP, I think! And,
Henry the Eighth I am!
"Kangaroo", and "Henry the Eighth", Monkee's ? Right? And you wouldn't believe how many 78's, 45's, and 33/1/3 waxes I do have!
Does anyone remember Tommy James and the Shondelles? Crimson and Clover? Over and Over? I think I got that right, but I woke up today with that song in my head and just can't get it out.
"Crimson and Clover, Over and Over.."
(Ya gotta shake your voice a little)
Nice X-mas colors, anyway. Sorry!
'Henry the Eighth' was an old 'Herman's Hermits', ahem, classic(for lack of a better word).
Didn't they do 'Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter?" Or was it "Kind of Hush"? Or both?
I can't believe the turn some of these conversations take. Rolf Harris wrote and recorded 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down'. Herman's Hermits did "Mrs. Brwn", "Henry VIII, I Am" "There's a Kind of Hush" and a lot more 'decent' songs than I ever attributed to them. Tommy James and The Shondells did 'Crimson and Clover" (remade by Joan Jett), the Monkees did "Last Train to Clarksville", "Stepping Stone" and "Daydream Believer" while The Royal Guardsmen recorded "Snoopy versus The Red Baron". I am so on a roll.
you sure did, all you needed was Gary Lewis and the Playboys 'This Diamond Ring', and The Grass Roots 'Midnight Confessions'.
BTW, 'The 12 Days of Christmas' doesn't refer to any days in the Liturgical Calendar. The days are coded tenets of the Catholic Faith. The song was used by Catholics to instruct their children back when it was illegal to be Catholic in Merry Olde England.
e.g Five Golden Rings refers to the Pentateuch of the Old Testament.
You know, I was just talking to my aunt about this the other day. There's a whole camp of Catholics and non-Catholics alike who believe that 12 Days was, like you said, an instructional underground song (or just an instructional song to help children remember the tenets - which was sent to me via my aunt through her cousin, etc., etc.). But there's just as many Catholics and non-Catholics who claim that there is no actual evidence to support this theory. Which makes it all the more interesting, no? Sort of like another classic song full of reference and coded meaning which the author himself can't remember what all of it was, which it was or what some of it stood for. Of course I'm referring to Don MacLean's (sp?) American Pie. Hey, it's not such a big leap once you think of it musically.
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