Daytripper
340 Million Dollars.
We've all thought about it. If you say you haven't, you're a liar. Even if it's to say "I'll never win, so I'm not gonna even daydream" it means you thought about. You think about it. You know you do. I just thought about it and I'm ready to think about it again.
How would you spend 340 million dollars? Gee, can anyone guess the first thing I'd do? Couldn't have anything to do with a house, could it? Pay off all my loans and credit cards, which I'll never need again. Buy a fuel efficient car (because our natural resources could care less how much cash I just won). Get my eyes checked. Go to a dermatologist for a little pick me up. Yeah, I know, I'm cukoo crazy. Wild. Yup. That's me.
Then I got to thinking about how 340 million dollars (I didn't even know there was that much moolah in circulation) wouldn't change my life. Sure, I could buy really nice Egyptian Cotton sheets and a King Size bed (yeah, right, like the dog still wouldn't sleep on me!), but that won't stop my husband from stealing them. Nor would it convince my daughter that she has to change them more than once every three months (or that it's not okay to go without them when you sleep on a 20 year old mattress). And I could get a really nice dishwasher, but it won't stop my teen from taking hot chocolate up to her room and then letting the residue harden on my newly purchased Fiestaware for days at a time. Or convince my husband not to leave his oj glass on his nightstand overnight so that the pulp fuses with the glass. It could buy me a maid (although I personally believe the only necessary household help is a personal secretary), but is that really going to teach my family that it's actually their responsibility to pick up after themselves, feed the pets, clen the cat box, pick the used razors up off of the bathroom floor, etc.?
What it can buy me is a beautiful, functioning home in Blue Springs or Independence where the basement doesn't leak, the insulation is included and a pool boy named Chad comes by once a week to service me - my pool. It can afford me cosmetic dentistry, cool clothes and never having to say "We'll see if they have something like that at Wal-Mart."
And a Steinway. *sigh*
posted by The Warbler | 10/19/2005 09:02:00 PM
10 Comments:
Hi 88, Well if I was to win that money, I'd do the same thing I did when I won that 50 million the last time! NOT MUCH! Although all kinds of ides rattle around in there. You know, take care of all the kids, then see if I could convince the town to name the new Performing Arts Center after me!! Of course you and your group would be the first to perform, so get ready and keep practicing. Love Everett
Hell, Everett, you get a performing arts center in town and I'd run it for ya!
Yes, sheep also dream.
We would a large piece of pasture, acres and acres of gently rolling hills all covered with silky grass, sweet clover and buttercups. Then.. we would get ourselves a fleece stylist..do you know how hard it is to get a really first class sheep stylist? Probably not.
Finally, we could get out of our hack job of working the serta mattress ads and get ourselves a really great role... maybe bankroll our own film...something like sheep'r by the dozen. Hmm.. i like the ring to that. Yes, sheep do dream.
How about a Western? Angel and the Baa-dman,perhaps?
Hmm. You've got me thinking. Maybe we could do a remake of an old classic. Maybe we could do "the Sheep" a reinterpretation of Hitchock's "The Birds". Imagine. Thousands of sheep descending on a small new england town, maybe converging on a summer holiday celebration? Now we're talking 'terrah and horrah'
makes that old phrase Heah at Peppah-ridge Fahms" even more terrifying, eh: Or you could do a remake of that old gangster film "The Big Sheep".
Gangster films could be too risky. I can see us getting typecast for the rest of our career lives. On the other hand we did finally get that " tonight you sleep with the fish-es" line under our belts. Maybe we could do Baaaatman. You could be 'the Warbler'... although in sheep it translates to waaaaaaarblaaah. I'm beginning to see that the film might need subtitles.
That's okay. There are a lot of films that should have subtitles but don't...say, anything with Bobcat Goldthwaite in it? Perhaps you should think small screen. I'm sure they'd 'find' you a role on...wait for it...LOST.
OMG! How cool would that be? They could write us in. They could have had us sitting in the animal cargo hold of the back part of the plane. Maybe we could go after the 'others' and make the island safe for the other others? The cool thing would be the retrospective. They could show us as cute little lambs cavorting on the hillside innocent of our serta days.
Thanks Warbler. Gotta go call our agent and get her on this. Ciao
later lamb
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