Spoilsports
Why is it so difficult for people to respect the Block Island Blogger's right to anonymity? Can it be such a difficult concept for the thinking (and some not so thinking) public to grasp? Especially after reading some of the nasty comments left on Everett's blog just because they know he's Everett but aren't willing to say anything to his face or leave a clue as to whom they might be. If this were done in person to person mode it would be labeled passive/aggressive.
I struggled with the idea of so publicly outing myself. And I'm going to tell a little story, which I have debated long and hard over as well. But I hope it will help to illustrate that when you judge another person's actions solely by your own experiences, you can seriously wrong a motive.
As I've mentioned before, I was raised by a not so terribly nice family. Dad, Mom and Brother were all somewhat...off, I guess would be the nice way of putting it. The worst of the three was my brother. Now, I'm not gonna get all Dr. Phill on everybody and you don't need to know my pain...suffice it to say that he should have been locked up a long, long time ago. If somebody else had been his parents, or if it had been in this day and age, my brother's mental illness would have been identified and, hopefully, treated before he ruined his life and the lives of several others. My parents were from a time and place where you just didn't air your dirty laundry in public (they must be rolling in their graves over me, don't 'cha think?) or admit to any kind of mental illness - it just wasn't done.
I left home as soon as I could and tried everything I could think of to keep my address and especially my phone number away from my brother. I did have to give it to my parents. After all, they were my parents, for better or for worse. But my info kept falling into his hands and I was harrassed through the mail, through phone calls and (when I lived near to him) at my door. I was in fear of my personal safety. So I told my father that if he kept giving my brother the information, I would not let him know where I was (my mother had passed by this time, thank God). My father and I became estranged for well over 14 years and it was through relatives that I was informed he passed away two years ago.
I have children. I have a life. I have a dog (my brother has a record of shooting animals). I don't know if he's computer savvy. I don't know if he even cares. I know he still tries to find out where I am and even harassed my father's insurance carrier when I inherited a small amount from his policy - they didn't give out info, by the way, bless their greedy li'l hearts. But I decided that I'm through living in fear of him. Things are as they are and if he finds me, God forbid, I will do whatever it takes to protect myself and my family. And now, of course, I know that there are many resources to help. But I choose to stay (somewhat) anonymous just in case. My name is out there and if he wants to find me, t'ain't so difficult.
We, as human beings, do not know how others think - much as we like to pretend we do. We do not share all the same experiences and we do not make decisions from the same places. We do not have the right to supercede another's rights or wishes.
The thing is, not everybody has deep, dark secrets. Some are surface, lighthearted secrets. Some are just phobias. Some are fantasies. But whatever the reasons, blogging is a wonderful outlet for those anonymous and those not. And it takes a lot of guts to open up one's blog - especially one with issues the Block Island Blogger loves so dearly - to comments. You know, for those of you who are unaware, it is a choice to allow others to post to one's blog...it's not a "have to" kinda thing. He/She could just make comments and not care what anybody else has/had to say. But He/She's interested in what others think, which is more than some people who post on the sight.
So if you post to the Block Island Blogger's sight, agree or disagree, like or dislike, you are honor bound to respect the rights of the host. You don't walk in to somebody else's home and start telling them how to run their household. And if you do, then you have some wicked bad manners.
It is very amusing to try to guess the Block Island Blogger's identity. For the record, I must be an idiot (which some may say is obvious) because I don't actually know for certain the identity of the BIB. I've suspected and even laid some traps...but even if they worked, I have too much fun guessing. Respecting the wishes of others should have been something you learned before you graduated middle school. If not, learn it now. It's no skin off your nose to be nice, be good and have fun.
'Nuff said?
posted by The Warbler | 6/10/2005 12:36:00 PM
7 Comments:
I've been been called many things in my lifetime, but never a he/she. Should I be offended? Oh wait, I can't because you don't know who I am...I think.
I was wondering when posters would start dropping hints, or making guesses. And my policy has been "Not asked? Don't tell."
Who writes the blog isn't important. It's whether you enjoy it despite not knowing who writes it. Whether it inspires you to write back, or gives you a different point of view.
A large part of my continued anonymity remains freedom to answer honestly. I want people to respond to my posts without fear of upsetting me or hurting my feelings. I also don't want people to be prejudiced by who they THINK I am, what my life is like, or who they think my frends are.
I also don't want to have to discuss my views in the grocery store, or the post office (I didn't run for town council.) I wnat my blog to stay where it is and maintain my normal life while away from the computer.
Can't we all just have fun and let it be what it is?
That said, Warbler, I can sorta relate to your family problem. (Although it sounds like yours is WAY more serious.) So It must have taken an extra shot of whiskey to put your name on the web.
Thanks for the blog about me (It's my first.) I appreciate the support. I guess it's a little lame that I am anonymous. I have my reasons. I hope that that is enough.
Also... Don't be mad at the guessers. If I were them I'd be trying to figure it out too.
For you, BIB, anything.
Hi Warbler 88, I have just finally sat down, Sunday morning, and read all of your posts from the beginning,(whew) and in places laughed so hard that I had to run to the bathroom! The old bladder ain't what it used to be. In regard to this post, I totally agree with your ideas and that of BIB. (Damn, I wish I knew who she is!) I have never been a fan of all the different "themes". I don't think they do that at the oldest parade in the country do they. Hope things are coming together for you finally? but will hate it when you are gone north. TIFN Everett
In living in the fishbowl we all love. Any chance at having privacy is great.
Everett, hate to be the cause of any bladder uncomfortable-ness, but thanks for the compliment. Um, things are sorta coming together for the move, but not in the way we were expecting. The saga of the house just goes on and on and all we can do is just pay the electrician, and the plumber, and the attorney.
Island Worker, you're right. Any chance at privacy is hard won and a wonderful thing.
Folks, just to make sure we all understand me (which is a difficult thing to do sometimes, I know) I'm not saying don't guess. Guessing is fun. Spoiling it for others isn't.
Hope things are getting better, Warbler. We just got an offer on the old house here. It was rock bottom investor grade crap, but we needed an out or we'd go bankrupt. Best to you.
Every family is functional and dis-functional to a certain degree. Like BIB sez, it sounds like you've had your fair share of the "dis."
And as to that elusive he/she, BIB, I wouldn't respect you half as much if you published your picture, ran for political office, and became the Block Island Loud Mouth. I really look forward to the posts!
And save the loud mouth stuff for guys like Everett and me. -Sam
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