Petulance Thy Name Is Warbler

All right, folks, there's no need to go hurting my feelings. I read the other blogs, too, ya know. I happen to agree that the Block Island Blog is one of the most interesting Block Island blogs around. But, just for the record, this blog is not a Block Island blog. It just happens to be written by someone who lives on Block Island, married Block Island, is somewhat known and in the pseudo-public eye on Block Island and is going to miss Block Island on a deeply personal level. And, if we have been keeping up with this little soap opera all along, it was the BIB that "outed" me, if you will. This is my personal little...thingy...and while it may not be the most interesting...you don't have to go and hurt my feelings about it.

Let's move on, shall we?

I want to be rich. If I won the powerball tomorrow (and that's truly unlikely since I don't really play very much) I know exactly what I would do with the money, when and how. The first thing I'd do is pay off all the credit cards and car, mortgage, construction, et al loans. The next thing I'd do is sell this piece of crap Jeep and get myself a nice little minivan. That's right, I said minivan, deal with it!!!! It's not like it won't have a kick ass sound system, ok? Kids need music, too. (But no DVD players. How're kids supposed to play the License Plate Game and annoy their parents with "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" if they're plugged in to a TV in the car?) Then, depending on the amount I won (and for hypothetical purposes it was a lot), I would purchase a home in Kansas City (no surprise there, right?) and I would then purchase a home on Block Island. Now, let me tell you what I would do with this Block Island home. Anything I want to. Because I've been poor far longer than I ever would have knowingly agreed to and I will have a beautiful house. I will be respectful of ordinances, common sense and other people's rights, but I will do whatever the hell I want with my house. I will also hang out on the porch of The Oar occasionally and have one too many martinis. And I will listen as people who work for a living bitch about my rich ways and my condescension and my McMansion and I will think "Yeah, but you'd be me in a heartbeat." Then, I will build or renovate a facility dedicated to the use of community cultural events. And I will ask all my rich buddies to ante up or move on. I will spend my summers in Missouri and my winters on Block Island. I will send my daughter to school in Switzerland because I think that might just be far enough away to force her into fending for herself. And because I want her to learn to ski. With really rich people.

And I will have my eyes done. And my teeth overhauled. I will eat choice cuts of meat and fresh salmon steaks and if I burn the plank on the grill because I didn't realize I was supposed to soak it first, I will laugh it off and say "Live and learn" instead of bursting into tears that I spent the gas money and now we can't even eat the darn thing. I will offer an outlandishly large price to buy this particular structure that I live in and I will lovingly restore it (which would probably finish off my fortune), then fight City Hall to remove the so called wetland on the corner of the property (now that's a BI story not too many people but the old timers know about), gingerbread the corners and turn this into the must get married here spot on the Island. Or at least the must have our reception here after we get married at St. Andrew's spot on the Island.

Oh yeah, and I suppose I'd have to give family members some money, too.

And I'd buy tawny port and keep it on a cherrywood table with beautiful crystal port glasses and never feel guilty about it. I'd invite girls over for coffee and desserts and be able to offer them places to sit. I'd throw dinner parties and everybody would come because we all know that when you're rich, everybody wants to be your friend whether you deserve it or not.

I'd sponsor concerts by Luis. I'd donate every year to the Rescue Squad, the Fire Department, the Block Island Volunteers for Animals, the Block Island School friends, the Medical Center Lights thingy at Christmas time. I'd buy lemonade from every single lemonade stand and tell each and every kid that it was by far the best lemonade on the Island, even if I have to talk through clenced teeth and puckered lips to say it.

I would garden. Poorly. And try to grow pumpkins. Probably poorly, as well. And I would have a porch (or buy one) and decorate it for every single holiday and even some I'll make up so I can decorate some more.

I will take my youngest off island (cuz Sissy's in Switzerland, remember?) to: see a movie, go rollerskating, buy some cool shoes, take underwater basketweaving classes, take swim lessons, go to the museum, etc., whenever he wants to and even when he doesn't.

To me, money isn't just money. It's time. With money, you get more time, if you do it right. And with money, again only if you do it right, you should be able to make more memories with your family. It's not money that's the root of all evil, it's the love of money for money's sake that is the root of all evil.

I promise you, if I ever win the powerball, I promise to let it change me.