That's The Truth About Men

So yesterday on my msn page, there's a little "entertainment article" about what guys really find romantic. I love to read these things, so I clicked. I'm not sure who wrote this thing, but it's either someone who's trying to look good for the object of his affection (or his mother, take your pick), or some high school girl who's had one date in her life and that was with her brother's friend (who probably was threatened within an inch of his life). I find that in the interest of girlfriends everywhere who haven't been in a relationship with a male longer than six months, I must shed some light based on (some) prior experience.

One of the suggestions they made was if your sweetie's favorite sweatshirt is so old and faded that you can no longer read the team (or school, or branch of the military, etc.) logo, then buy him a replacement. It was suggested that showing an appreciation for his favorite things by upgrading will garner you points. Uh-huh. While you're at it, why don't you re-upholster his favorite chair with something that matches the decor. Oh, and don't forget to throw out those sloppy joes that are held together with duct tape. He'll really appreciate that. Men like old and used. Unless it's women. Then they like new and shiny. Just the way they're hard-wired, bless their shallow little hearts.

Another suggestion was that men love chocolate. Especially dark chocolate. While this may be true, it's not gonna make you any more endearing. You wanna romance a man with food? Skip Godiva's and head straight to Sears to pick up the biggest FryDaddy you can find. If it's got batter and/or can be dipped in ketchup, then you're scoring some major points. And if it's served with beer...expect the ring soon.

Suggestion number [who knows?] on the list was "wear your man's button down shirt to dinner - and nothing else. He'll think that's romantic." Here's a little tip - the less you wear, the more men love it. It doesn't matter if it's his work shirt or your great grandma's thong, if you're easily accessible, he's easily romanced.

Men love bubble baths. Well...I don't really know about this one. My husband loves to soak in a steamy, hot bath in our clawfoot tub, but part of that's because his back hurts and it's the only place he can read in peace and quiet. Even though there's watermelon Elmo bubblebath on the shelf above the tub, I've never seen him use it for himself. I just don't see too many men lighting the candles, pouring the bubbles and leaving a glass of champagne on the side as they luxuriate in the glorious bubbles. Unless there's a gal involved. Then they know it's going somewhere. So, maybe men do love bubble baths. Just not alone.

When trying to romance a man, I think it's best (in a sweeping generalization kind of way) to remember: food, sex, cars, electronics. Not necessarily in that order.