High Anxiety

Today is a heavy frustration day. Not so much stressful. Just plain ol' frustrating. Frustration at not being able to get my point across. Frustration at my not having slept through the night in over 9 months. Frustrated that I need to get outside and move and play in the sunshine and it's frickin' snowing! (Not anything that'll stick, just enough to piss me off.) A big ol' huge heapin' help o' frustration at taunting myself with things I know I can't have. There's nothin' like a little frustration to go with your frustration.

Everybody experiences frustration. Everybody has had huge frustration to the max days. Some people build and build and build until they explode. Others, like me, build and build and build until they have a core meltdown. Being the emotionally centered being that I am, I am more of a Three Mile Island/Chernobyl kind of accident.

It used to be, when I was feeling those knots and nausea of frustration, I would head to my best friend, Quasimodo. Sometimes with a frosty glass of beer. Also a very good friend of mine. Depending on what time of day and whether there were any fixin's for nachos. I would play and sing for an hour or two. Some of my best songs have been written at times like these.

I'm having difficulty finding a skill that can temporarily replace the aforementioned. And that's frustrating.

I'm sure the whole thing's compounded by cabin fever. Goodness knows my son is getting pretty bored with just Mommy. Perhaps I'm on the way to making friends that can interact with my son as well as me. Perhaps spring is just around the corner and some healthy activity plus a little gardening will be just what the doctor ordered.

Perhaps I should just run up the street to Shaw's and buy their entire supply of Cadbury Eggs. That should fix my wagon but good.